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2020: Texas Gladiators (1982)

Dir: Joe D'Amato

The future. After the apocalypse mankind has splintered into ragged groups, bands of savages roam the land and destroyed buildings.
Into this hell come 'The Rangers', five guys who set out to bring order to the chaos and kick the ass of wrongdoers!

After rescuing a young woman named Maida (Sabrina Siani) from a band of mutants. one of the rangers, Catch Dog (Daniel Stephen) attempts to rape her. But his fellow Ranger Nisus (Al Cliver) stops him.
Catch Dog is kicked out by the other Rangers, Jab (Harrison Muller Jr), Halakron (Peter Hooten) and Red Wolfe (Al Yamanouchi) and sent into exile.

Nisus leaves the Rangers and goes off with Maida (who spouts much meaningful 'oh the humanity of it all' type dialogue) to a large factory based commune, where they are trying to rebuild the future, full of peace loving people who just don't 'get' all this violence stuff.
Though they do own a shit load of weapons!

But when the community is attacked by a machine gun wielding motorbike gang (in buckskin jackets, denim and cowboy hats), led by the disgraced Catch Dog, and an army of mysterious militia, tragedy strikes and it's up to the now disbanded Rangers to saddle up and dish out some justice!….

Where to start? Any fans of the short lived Italian 'Post Apocalyptic/bleak future' genre will be nicely at home here.
As with Joe D'Amato's "Endgame" (which also starred the two Al's, Cliver and Yamanouchi) we have the familiar mix of cheese, trash and violence set in well-used locations.

As soon as the welcome electronic music (by Carlo Maria Cordio, "Absurd") kicks in over the titles D'Amato lets fly with the 'good stuff'!
A band of mutants (in rags and really bad green make-up) attacks a Priest and some Nuns in an old warehouse.
As the Rangers creep around (they do spend a lot of time just watching, just so D'Amato can get as many exploitative sights in a possible before a rescue puts a stop to them!) the mutants crucify the Priest and rape one of the Nuns as the other slits her own throat (a nasty sequence indeed) with a shard of broken glass.
Definitely not in the nick of time our heroes blast and hack away at the mutants with satisfying ferocity.
The film never really reaches the heights of this wonderfully violent and exploitative opening again, but it's a damn fine example of the Euro approach to futuristic ultra-violence.
The sequence is topped off with the hysterical image of the five Rangers, all standing in a suitably macho pose (their naked, sweaty torso's draped in bullet belts), in some post apocalyptic Homosexual tableau scored to a cheesy electro lament.

Performances are pretty much non-descript with the exception of Donald "Zombie Holocaust" O' Brian as the black garbed, bald headed, limping, Nazi style leader of the militia force.
He gives a fantastically entertaining performance made up of evil, crooked grins, squints and manic laughter.
Top stuff.

The most violence is shown at the start, but throughout the movie D'Amato still gives us plenty of messy wounds, bloody bullet hits and random Female nakedness.
Motorbike stunts, mass shootouts and the odd explosion also keep the momentum going as D'Amato delivers one of his most action packed and fast moving productions.

The film sure does have some weird ideas as far as this future society goes though.
Aside from the normal gun toting motorised gangs in bad costumes we have a load of Wild West set-ups and clothes! It's a weird mix and something that would be used years later in the cheapo, American futuristic Martial Arts flick "Cold Harvest".
An Old West style saloon for example houses arcade games and modern weapons along with guys in Cowboy hats!
Even a bunch of, less than authentic looking, Indians (complete with wigwams, horses and bows and arrows) pop up at one point from somewhere or other!

The finale battle is rather short and low-key but it has its moments and piles on enough cheesy goodness to please the fans.

So what do we have? Well we have this…
Strategically ruined buildings, sexy ladies, that same Italian quarry used in everything Post Apocalyptic, totally gratuitous nudity, violence, action, gore, sleaze, sadism, cheesy costumes, comic strip characters, fascistic villains, weird vehicles, thumping electro tunes and one or two surprise twists. All topped off with the very welcome Al Yamanouchi and Al Cliver.
The only thing missing is Big George Eastman, but hellfire… you can't have everything.
Wait! Big George co-scripted the screenplay and reportedly helped on directorial chores as well! Marvellous.
Wonderful hokum, from a bygone age, the type of which just doesn't exist anymore!