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Terror at Orgy Castle (1971)

Dir: Zoltan G. Spencer

Filmed completely silent (with dubbed on sound effects and music) the only voice ever heard in this slice of cinematic weirdness is the narration from the lead character, Bill (William Howard), who is on vacation with the lovely Lisa.
The young couple decide to finish their vacation at a supposedly haunted medieval castle, as it’s one place they’ve never made love in!

They are met at the door by a moustached loon, whom Bill (in his oh so amusing fashion) names ‘Igor’, who (to the strains of ominous organ music) takes their luggage (“Then he bugged off somewhere with our bags”) and leaves them waiting for the Countess Dominova (Holly Woodstar), who owns the castle, to greet them.
And what a castle it is! Decorations include open coffins and a wooden cross for tying people spread-eagled to!

The sinister Countess, in between eying up Lisa, informs the couple that her ancestors had been burnt to death for practicing witchcraft! And with this bizarre announcement ringing in their ears Lisa and Bill are led to their bedroom, “If we had only known what lay ahead for us , we’d have split from that place right away”.
Five seconds after they enter the bedroom the couple are getting down to some horizontal loving, “Those old stones really turned her on”.
The cheesy horror organ music is replaced with a slow, snare drum heavy, bit of Jazz as they strip off (with delightfully blatant full frontal male nudity, just to let us know that it’s all going to hang out in this flick) and most certainly make themselves at home.
“As we drifted off to sleep I had a strange feeling we hadn’t been alone in that room” says Bill, and sure enough there’s the now topless Countess watching them through a magic-portal mirror in the bedroom!

Snooping around the castle Bill comes across (oooo!) the naked Countess in a cellar room performing the ’ritual of much breast rubbing’ with two equally naked women (including Jane Tsentas from “The Adult Version of Jekyll & Hide”) before magically turning herself into a man!
Soon the sacred ritual of ‘the lucky bastards’ is in full swing as the threesome get down to some heavy oral explorations.
Swinging Bill is spotted by the Dominova though and flees the room. But there is no escape for him as the Count/Countess’s two naked Succubus helpers are sent through the magic mirror to teach the nosy tourist a good, long, hard lesson.
And soon it’s not just knackered Bill who’s finding the vacation ‘draining’, as Lisa to succumbs to the probing, licking, thrusting power of those that dwell in the castle….

 

The delightfully named Zoltan G. Spencer (who also helmed the John Holmes starring “Danish and Blue”) utilised the wonderfully theatrical sets from 1966‘s “Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors” to boost the production values of this bargain basement romp, and with no dialogue (bar narration) the budget (or lack thereof) is really hammered home. But as they say...it’s not what you’ve got but how you use it!

Although only a softcore movie, the nudity here is pretty explicit as both male and female genitals are put under close scrutiny from every angle by the probing camera. Basically, if it’s dangling enough and hairy enough it’s on the screen in it’s all it’s glory! God Bless the 70’s.
Sadly the actual sex is not as free, swinging, and fun as the nudity, and basically it’s just a lot of less than subtlety blocked (to make sure you can’t see that nothing is actually happening), sedately paced fumbling and thrusting with little in the way of excitement.
But hey, at least it’s frequent and staged in such a suitably cheesy fashion that some trashy enjoyment can be had for those with a love for such cinematic weirdness! And yes, I am one.

The sexual encounters at least have some unusual settings and elements.
A masked costume dinner scene (with much messy scoffing of foodstuffs) seems like a bad idea at first as it slows the pacing to a crawl with seemingly endless scenes of eating, but thankfully things pick up very nicely (and madly!) when one of the female guests is tied naked to the wooden cross and has a rat on a plate tied against her stomach!

And if that wasn’t dubious enough two men then heat the bottom of the plate to make the, increasingly sweaty , rat gnaw it’s way out via the woman’s belly! Cue shots of blood running over pubic hair, as well as a very noticeable cesarean scar (you have to love the ‘keep it real’ 70’s!). “Lisa and I were completely turned off” Bill unsurprisingly announces before all is revealed to not be as it seems.
A weak, grape rubbing, orgy then follows with as much heat as an ice-cube.

The gender-changing threesome and Bill’s later bedroom seduction are handled better, though they do go on for a bit too long.

The last big sex set-piece is set during a very tired ‘Black Mass’ which sees much female and male nudity but rather lifeless humping.

Away from the nudity and general air of delightful weirdness it is Bill who provides much of the entertainment.
Bill is a veritable font of bullshit, from melodramatic descriptions of what’s occurring, to half-arsed prophecies, his endless babbling is a joy to the ears.
“Lisa was being prepared to be the Bride of the Devil”! Righto Bill, whatever you say.
“We were modern victims of this medieval torment”. Yes Bill, okay, we get it!
“The women, red eyed with unnatural lust, turned their attention to me”! Oh Bill, for God’s sake man!

The finale revelation actually sees the movie delivering (even in Bill’s dialogue) a nice bit of subversive sexuality that was sadly missing from much of the movie and it’s an effective way to end this flawed, bizarre, cheap and cheesy bit of fun.

Thanks to the marvellous ‘Something Weird Video’ this dusty creation has been given new life (along with Walt Davis’s “Evil Come, Evil Go” and Zoltan’s own “Hand of Pleasure”) on a triple-bill DVD and if there is nothing in “Terror at Orgy Castle” (certainly no terror and one poor excuse for an orgy) to change the World as we know it, it at least has that unmistakable 70’s charm and is a pleasant, and hairy, enough way to spend 60 minutes.