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Lady Terminator (1988)

Dir: H. Tjut Djalil.

The 'South Seas Queen' lounges around her castle in her green see-through, gown (with matching green eye-shadow) and hairy armpits.
She has just finished off yet another Husband by grinding his groin to mush and laments "Is there no man that can satisfy me"?
As if by magic a cheesy white guy appears as her next Husband, does the horizontal bop and makes a snake pop out from between the Queen's legs!
Now hold on tight, here comes the plot;
'Cheesy Guy' turns the snake into a dagger, South Seas Queen orders him to turn it back and shove it back in, 'Cheesy Guy' says no because he wants the groin mushing to stop, so the Queen curses him with "In 100 years I will have my revenge on your Great Granddaughter" before vanishing to the bottom of the sea ("where I will join forces with evil") to hang around a bit before carrying out her scheme to "avenge this insult".

Skip to modern day and a young lady named Tanya (Barbara Anne Constable, who is all 80's big hair and protruding nipples) is out scuba diving to find the legendary Queen's 'vagina snake dagger' as part of her University thesis!
But all she finds is herself tied to a bed (!) while the South Sea Queen snake goes 'bush burrowing' between her legs.

Poor Tanya has now become an ass kicking, hard screwing, groin mashing, unstoppable killing machine of vengeance! She has become… 'The Lady Terminator'!
Carrying out the curse of her South Sea Queen mistress, 'LT' hunts down the said Great Granddaughter of 'Cheesy Guy', who is now an up and coming pop star named Erica (Claudia Angelique Rademaker).
Meanwhile drippy Cop Max (Christopher Hart) is hot on the case as the bodies, full of bullet holes or with mushed groins, mount up…..

 

During the 80's Indonesia had the novel idea that Indonesian films should also be produced for the country, as well as foreign films distributed in it. This resulted in a short lived boom of cheap, striking, violence, gore and sex filled 'quota' movies made to grab a quick buck.
Those mainly distributed outside Indonesia (where they could once be found on many a cheap video label in the UK) were gory Martial Arts/Swordplay/Fantasy flicks, like the famous Barry Prima starring "Warrior" films, and goofy, violent War movies.

"Lady Terminator" is a little different through, as it combines traditional Indonesian folklore (the legend of the 'South Seas Queen') along with American knock off Sci-Fi and action film hyjinks
Given the title this is of course a copy-cat of "The Terminator" (though where in "The Terminator" Arnie was almost indestructible because he was a cyborg, Lady Terminator is indestructible because she is the James Cameron's movie.
The biggest similarities are a "Terminator" style nightclub/disco shooting (with the Lady Terminator dressed in a studded leather jacket) which is blatant in it's rip-off set-up and even re-creates some of the exact same shots as 'LT' is blasted with a shotgun then gets back up again.
A Police Station attack (complete with car through the front door, but no "I'll be back") that is staged exactly in the same way as Cameron's classic as 'LT' walks down the corridors blasting Cops through doorways and shrugging off bullet hits.
And a scene where she repairs her eye (not very good FX, but lots of bloody fun and the size of the eyeball that drops into the sink is outrageous!) is almost a shot for shot re-staging of Arnie's ocular manipulations.

Delightfully cheesy dubbed dialogue like "hi asshole", "die motherfucker" and "lets kick ass" is the order of the day and adds greatly to the charm of the whole thing. This really is a case of 'so bad, it's good.
The most outrageously bad character, in a film full of bad characters, is a mullet headed moron friend of Max named 'Snake' (with a Ringo Starr nose) who sports a headband and shouts thinks like "eat it bitch"!
And this combination of crappy characters and worse dialogue ensures that even when something is not being blown up, shot full of holes and screwed, there is always something to enjoy. Even if it is for all the wrong reasons.

Just to remind you what decade this was made in we have a short break for Erica to perform a hideous, oh so 80's, Disco/Pop tune, with her ozone layer depleting perm sprinkled liberally with groovy glitter dust.
Brings a tear to the eye just thinking about it.

Bared breasts, courtesy of Ms Constable, are there a-plenty as 'LT' bloodily grinds groins, but sadly any full frontal nudity is a no no. Though astute perverts (and all the best people are) will catch a glimpse of semi G-string clad pubic area when 'LT' ravages a Hotel bellhop.
The sex is basically just 'LT' riding an unfortunate victim before getting her breasts spattered with blood as her 'intimate feminine area' commits the dreaded penis abuse, but it's all good exploitative fun.

Away from the sex and nudity the film piles on the exploitation goodies via loads of blood spurting bullet wounds, the best of which are a messy shot to the head and a wonderfully gratuitous scene where a guy is blasted full of holes as he lies on the floor. Sod bullet conservation; let's get messy!
FX are as cheap and cheerful as you would expect with the lo-lights being some hysterically cheesy laser effects and an exploding model plane that would not look out of place in a "Thunderbirds" episode.

The low budget, but generally well staged, action is totally relentless as 'LT' hunts down Erica with extreme prejudice, and as many high body count shoot-outs, big explosions and car chase stunts as the running time will allow are crammed into the movie for our enjoyment.
All of which culminates in a balls-out finale of utmost cheesiness that piles on death, destruction, all round madness and ends the lot with a spot of tin-pot philosophy.

Overall "Lady Terminator" is one of those films that really floats above criticism, as everything you can say bad about it actually makes it more fun. It's loud, crude, bloody, cheesy, violent, chock full of action, blatant in it's stealing, and basically just a lot of 'bad movie' fun!
Seek out "Lady Terminator"…before she seeks out you (and your groin)!

Note:
Recently released on DVD in an uncut form from the 'Mondo Macabre' label, this version is in fact the more explicit American edit of the original Indonesian release where the 'Cheesy Guy' replaces the original Indonesian actor, 'LT' is now topless when she emerges from the sea (as opposed to wearing a white gown and having flashing green optical effects covering her breasts in the Indonesian version) and the snake enters between the legs whereas in the Indonesian version it enters through the navel.