Navigation

Harry Novak's Nudie Featurettes/Trailers.
('Something Weird' Video)

"NUDE IN THE POOL" - Some bathing lovelies wake up (topless of course) in bed together, share some coffee...then it's off to another friend swimming pool. Are you following this complex plot? Good.
It turns out the friends brother is there...but they don't mind a bit of topless swimming, as long as he doesn't. WHAT SPORTS! I reckon he won't mind...what do you guys think?
Brother is a large balding guy, whose eyes pop out when they alight on those natural love globes. Next thing the poor soul is pushed in the pool (dressed, thank goodness) and is being harassed by floating breasts.
Ah ha! Plot twist!! Turns out this guy is really a painter, and NOT the Brother. Painter guy storms off and the real Brother arrives. Sure enough he's a butch type..all cheesy grins, tight T-shirt and tighter trousers.
Soon, with the Sister joining the moist fun, it's time for more naked pool pleasure...completely innocent of course. Giggles, jiggles and many flapping feet now assault us and, as the cheesy music noodles away, we get to...'The End'.

"HOT HIPPY HIPS" - Yeah Man, groovy Daddio.. It's free form Jazz tunes, lop sided camera angles, sickly yellow tinting, and a lady dressed in a black dress and feather boa doing a bad dance. EROTICA!
Close ups of eyes...close ups of more eyes...trashy gold tinsel and bead curtains cascade down...lady is down to her black underwear...lady is topless...Jazz gets even more noisy and manic...Lady waves arms around...close ups on breasts viewed through out of focus tinsel strips (I know I'm getting hot and sweaty)...and it goes on...and on...ART!! Oh yes, we are getting clever now, we have multiple, twisting images of stripping/dancing lady. Music now sounds like someone has fallen onto the instruments. My brain slowly leaks out of my ears as she is now viewed up side down! I cling onto that tiny bit of sanity I have left as those magic words appear.."The End"

"POT PARTY PLAYGIRLS" - Now then, we have a deep, insightful look at teens on the fringe of society. Groovy Hippie Chicks do the waving arms dance to some flower power rock tunes in a graffiti scrawled room.
OH OH! Naughty kids are smoking on the bong of hell, getting topless and doing the roll on top of some scruffy Hippie Dudes.
Close up on some breasts as their owner taps on some beatnik guys bongo.
Black Hippie chick does the two backed 'mattress mash'. Groovy teens all get topless and dance around a candle..Things get saucy as Hippie Chicks get down to their panties and boogie with a Sidney Poitier look-a-like.
Music gets more funky!! Still they do that candle jive, and shake those Hippie Melons. And on it goes, until Blonde Hippie Chick blows.....the candle (naughty readers) out and we get to.."The End".

"KISS ME QUICK" - HA! Natural shaped topless chicks shake and wiggle to some funky/jazz tunes as a Mad Doctor (with makeup done by white powder and black eyeliner with round black goggles) cackles away with a Lugusi accent as dreadful looking versions of Dracula/Frankenstein's Monster and a fat bloke with a metal bowl on his head paw at the lovelies as they moan "kiss me quick.." into the camera. Highlight?? A small door opened to reveal a nekkid chick's butt as she crouches on a little trolley that then slides down some tracks into the Docs sleazy hands........

"THE TOUCHABLES" - badly acted Mob guys muscle in on a female Health Farm where a geek called Billy is hiding out...Cue: Topless chicks having a massage, in the sauna, and having a swim...Cue: slapstick fun stuffs and more floating boobies in the pool.......

"THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF GIRLS" - A man in Granny drag and a man with a twirly moustache are shown shocked as a chick gets nekkid in a very dodgy Cinema set (3 seats in the dark) Cue: Twirly Moustache Man sitting on a truly dreadful park set on a stage playing an invisible piano, playing guitar on a broom and looking shocked as various jiving bimbos appear and disappear in various states of undress. Cue: Gratuitous breast and butt fondling, a pillow fight, an even more dodgy Courtroom set as a Judge ogles some boobs and hits Granny Drag Man on the head......

"THE BEAUTIFUL, THE BLOODY AND THE BARE" - Red tinged footage shows a photographer snapping away at topless chick as a doomy voice over says "Watch this man as he walks the fine line between sanity and madness. One moment a friendly photographer, the next a blood maddened killer"!!!
Cue: chicks being patted on the head with rocks and wimpy strangler murders and of course loads of breasts and scared looking bimbos. Cue: Blood covered knife being held in blood covered hands as we hear; "A story so revealing it is intended for adults only".....

"AGONY OF LOVE" - "What is this Woman's compelling erotic hunger"?? "What agony of love drives this Woman into strange fantasies"??
Cue: B/W footage of a topless lady fondling herself, moaning, rubbing money into her love globes, being slapped about a bit by what looks like Topol's mad Brother and loving it so much so she says "Hurt me, dirty me". Cue: saxophone cheese as Topol lookalike squeezes her butt and a fat bloke pigs out on cakes. Cue: Sickly looking, wimpy orgy as our heroine rushes outside and gets squashed by a car!

"VENUS IN FURS" - One of the many versions, this looks as cheap as they come in skuzzy B/W. A pretentious voice over, along the lines of "Any man who has experienced the delicious pain of a beautiful Women will know the evil truth of Venus In Furs", drones on over footage of a Woman flicking a riding crop around in the woods and various couples rolling around in their underwear. Amazing.

"BONELESS" - it's easy listening tunes with added bongos as we move on to Japan for dull footage of an old bloke pawing a woman on a revolving bed...things hot up as 2 Women have a paperknife fight as Mr Old Dude lies dead...one of the chicks is stabbed, the survivor cries a lot. Harps and flutes...chick still sobbing...The End! Oh dear!!

"NAKED PURSUIT" - Back in Japan and B/W again as Mr Voice Over goes "What is this man? A demon? Or is he a victim of his generation".
Cut to a handcuffed Woman being dragged along the ground and pawed as we are warned that "Naked Pursuit is not a pretty picture, nor is it light entertainment". Cue semi-naked woman being pawed and rolled down a dirt hill and hitting crazy dude on the head with a rock before we are shown a bit of war footage! More dirt hill naked rolling...

"WOMAN OF DESIRE" - back to good ol' U.S of A for a bizarre look at a group of Women becoming hookers and as the local men arrive they are all surprised they know each other! Bit of topless dancing...the end. Oh dear again!

"LILI"/"MANTIS IN LACE" - Yay! Colour! Blood dripping Meat cleaver swishes down..dodgy fumbling..strippers..dialogue like "Would you like to get into my brain". More semi naked fumbling as Mr Voice Over tells us "Lila believes that the Family that preys together, lays together and slays together".
Cue breasts and some psychotronic stabbing and meat cleaver mayhem as we hear "If confined a Mantis may turn cannibal and the Female often consumes its smaller mate after breeding" (who says exploitation cannot educate!). More stabbing, crap acting by a fat bloke with a bad moustache (who gets hit on the head with a broomstick), some Police gunplay, bit more fumbling...The End. Now that was more like it!

"INDIAN MAID, INDIAN RAID" - It's those craaaazy Hillbillies! Straw chewers act dumb and grin stupidly at nekkid chicks with fancy dress Indian headbands on. OOO! Bit of full frontal action here with one sequence nearing hardcore penetration...YEE HAW!!

"EXOTIC DREAMS OF CASANOVA" - Oh boy! A voice over by the star 'Johnny Rocco' welcomes us to said sleazy looking dude rolling on a bed with some chick in dodgy period costume that's soon removed...bit of rolling around action and nipple nibbling as 'Rocco' rambles, then...FATHER CHRISTMAS APPEARS shouts abuse at Casanova and pops some balloons!! Cue comedy fancy dress orgy with old 'Rocco' saying "back in the 18th century acts as stimulating as these might have been nothing more than the Exotic dreams of Casanova" as whipped cream is squirted on a pair of welcoming love globes. Next thing Casanova is in a comedy Courtroom being as a Keystone Cop lookalike shouts some more abuse at him. A lawyer in a Robin Hood costume and a camp looking Judge with shades and a pink shirt looking through 'Muscle' magazine confirms to us that this is not a serious look at the Law system!

"SECRET SEX LIVES OF ROMEO AND JULIET" - Sets that look like a school play, bad Shakespeare dialogue and a stripping Juliet. Something tells me Sir Larry Olivier will not be performing in this version! "You don't dare miss this balling, brawling sex frolic" Mr Voice-Over declares as much moaning, pubic hair and pink tinting assault our senses. But we are reminded that this is a play by the Great Bard with dialogue like "Sock it to me" and "Here come de Prince"! Well here comes de orgy scene anyway!
The romance of the work is also not forgotten as we have a bimbette chained to the rafters of a barn and whipped as a hooded, one eyed hunchback shouts "Whip her"!! William would be proud!